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Year: 2016

Yule as a Non-Event

Yule as a Non-Event

First, before I launch into my blog, I really do want to wish you all a very merry Yule.  I know I
missed Mother’s Night/Solstice, but honestly things have been a bit busy for me lately, so I apologize to my readers.  So, without further yapping about my tardiness, let’s get to the post…

It was my intent to write about Yule, the history, and the feelings one gets this time of the year.  All that went out the window when not long after hunting season ended, my husband had an operation (to repair an injury).  I was suddenly thrust into doing everything.  And I mean EVERYTHING.

Courtesy of Magickal Graphics

Life Intrudes

Before I knew it, I was taking him to physical therapy, taking care of our ancient parents by driving them to doctor’s appointments, and having all the farm chores to do.  This is above my normal work as a freelancer. So, I watched as Yule approached, unable to even get my house clean because too many other important things needed to be done.

On top of that, Skadi lived up to her promise to me.  I had gotten a buck for hunting season, but for various and sundry reasons, I failed to get my doe.  The goddess is generous and I found a freshly killed fawn just out of its spots by the side of the road, only a few hours dead and well preserved because of the negative temperatures.  As I drove the deer over to the game wardens to get my salvage tag, I reflected at how redneck I’ve become.  (Incidentally, the meat was good.)

The Solstice

So, I had a roast I had planned for Yule along with a bottle of my best mead.  I spent the  afternoon

Courtesy of Magickal Graphics

giving water to my animals in 10 degree Fahrenheit weather. I hauled wood for the night.  I finished writing blogs for a drug rehab site (stuff I get paid for), and I had to dress a deer before it got dark.

There’s something oddly primeval when you’re dressing out a deer on solstice.  Even though I didn’t kill the deer, I went ahead and apologized to it for it losing it’s life in a meaningless fashion. I thanked it and Skadi for the meat.  And I finished the work before it got dark.

Dinner ended up late but very good. I had some mead and reflected on how Yule wasn’t anything I envisioned.  I spent the day doing things for other people.  Come to think of it, that’s what I’ve been doing for the past several weeks.  Instead of focusing on myself, I’ve been focusing on others.

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve came around, and with it came a surprise kidding.  I had expected another doe goat to kid first, but while I was watering the goats, I noticed two hooves sticking out of a younger doe’s rear end.  I delivered the kid (a hard delivery) and to my chagrin, the doe had no milk.  To top it off, the kid had been so big, he had cramped up his front legs in utero and I’m working to get them stretched out so he isn’t crippled.   That makes two goat babies I have inside because the weather is so nasty.

Courtesy of Magickal Graphics

Twelve Days of Yule

At first, I blithely announced that I was damn glad Yule goes over 12 days.  Tonight, I sort of look on the whole process in despair.  Whatever I thought Yule would be just isn’t going to happen, because life just is. At the same time, in between all the craziness of life, I realize that we celebrate our family and the return of the sun. And to be honest, I’m looking forward to the increase in light.

This Yule will be memorable to me. Not because of the feasting and celebrating, but more because it is about the season and my family, more than anything else. I give thanks to the gods and wights for their help, and I look forward to a better, upcoming new year.

To all of you, I hope you had a good Mother’s Night/Solstice, Christmas, and I hope you enjoy the rest of Yule.

Coming Out as a Heathen

Coming Out as a Heathen

When I’m talking about “coming out,” I’m using the term as it relates to letting loved ones know that you’re a Heathen.  I can’t speak in terms of homosexuality because I am very heterosexual, but telling a loved one that I’m a Heathen was harder than you can ever imagine.  If you’re a closet heathen as I was, perhaps you will glean something useful about announcing to your family you are pagan.

Source: Magickal Graphics

A Little Background

Those who have read my posts know I was raised Roman Catholic.  In retrospect, I recognize that Roman Catholicism is closer to paganism than a lot of Christianity, but it isn’t heathenism by a long stretch. I even went to parochial school for a while, which in the long run made me less Christian as I started going beyond the fear of hell and damnation. Religion, in one form or another, is a method of control, in my not so humble opinion. While I am far from communist, I do think that Marx did hit it on the head that religion is an opiate of the masses.

So. with these beliefs, how could I possibly be a theist, let alone a heathen? As they say on the Facebook relationship status, “It’s complicated.” Tyr and Thor pretty much drove me back to the theist realm, even if at times I appear agnostic. 

Source: Magickal Graphics

Announcing my Heathenism

It took years for me to tell my husband I was a heathen. It was hard.  Very hard.  Even though he wasn’t surprised, he was puzzled why I didn’t tell him before.  It’s hard to express the feelings: worry that he’ll think I’m crazy, worried that he’ll find my beliefs too weird, and a concern about what happens next.  I should have spoken sooner, but I didn’t.  I told him the story and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.  I supplied my own condemnation.

In the end, his response was more wait and see.  Basically, he had no way to judge heathenism except through my behavior.  So, I relaxed a bit and decided I was far too anxious about it. I realized that being heathen hadn’t changed who I was.  I am who I am.  I still celebrate the secular version of holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving, but I can now add Yule and other holidays to the mix. I’m pretty toned down when it comes to religion, so that aspect is private. (Yeah, me.  Go figure.)

My response to those who say I’m going to be burning in their hell.

Some Practical Advice

If you’re a heathen who hasn’t told your family about your change, take a deep breath and think about it. Not everyone is going to have a open mind like my husband.  If, for example, you come from a Bible-belt family who is staunchly Christian, you’re probably not going to get much support from them by announcing you’re heathen. Only you can decide if it is the right thing to do, or whether they’ll ostracize you. I’d like to say it doesn’t happen, but obviously, it does. If you’re going to make the announcement, find someone in your family whom you can trust, who can also be sympathetic and helpful. If they have advice, listen. Maybe your older sister is good with you being pagan, but she knows darn well that your parents couldn’t deal with it. Maybe it’s not that important to tell them and estrange your family members.

If you don’t have a person in your family who wouldn’t be shocked by your change in religion and who can’t help you and give you good advice, ask yourself honestly what you hope to gain by letting your family know of your heathenism.  It sounds harsh, but you have to understand what you hope to gain by it.  Put aside the feelings of guilt that you inherited from Christianity and look logically at the best (and worst) outcomes. Will your family tell you that you are going to burn in hell for eternity and make your life hell on earth? Or are they more relaxed and open-minded?  Knowing where your loved ones stand is important when it comes to whether to tell them or not.

Be Yourself

Source: Magickal Graphics

If your family does accept your newfound faith, don’t weird them out.  Instead, be yourself as you have in the past. Maybe they’re curious as to what holidays you celebrate. Don’t put their religion down when you talk to them; instead, consider drawing the parallels between the two religions. One easy time to deal with is Yule. You can point out all the similarities of Yule and Christmas and your family will enjoy learning about Yule. You can incorporate whatever you and your family have celebrated in the past while still adding pagan twists. This isn’t a particularly dogmatic religion here.  Heathens have and do incorporate other traditions in our religion.

For example, I love Christmas carols. There’s no good reason for me to give them up.  My husband loves medieval music, so it’s no big deal for us to incorporate seasonal music with Christmas carols.  Yule and Christmas just means we have more feasts and more celebrations. I know of at least one heathen who celebrates Mother’s Night and secular Christmas. All good, in my opinion.

Being a Solitary Heathen

Telling or not telling may put you in the role of a solitary heathen. It can be lonely choosing that, but since you may be the only one in your family, whether you announce your heathenism or not, it’s pretty much the road you’re traveling. I would recommend seeking out other heathens in your community or online in order to have someone to talk to about it. There are plenty of heathens willing to talk to you and give advice. Want face-to-face time?  I run into heathens all the time at science fiction conventions. Yes, you will find heathens there as well as the various gatherings for pagans.

The main thing is to keep your perspective on things. I believe strongly that your beliefs are your own, and it is yours to share or keep as you see fit.  With the Internet comes groups of heathens who are willing to reach out to you as surely as the gods reached out to you.  It’s your choice to decide whether to tell or not tell your family and friends.  Just choose wisely.

Thanksgiving or Harvest?

Thanksgiving or Harvest?

Thanks to Magickal Graphics.

Thanksgiving is often touted as a truly traditional American holiday. As Heathens, we should be quick to note the overall similarities between Thanksgiving and harvest celebrations, but is Thanksgiving truly a harvest celebration, or is it mired in Christian beliefs to the point where we should just ignore it for something else like Freyfaxi?  Here are some of my thoughts.

A Brief History of Thanksgiving

Unless you’re from a country outside of the United States, you’ve heard the story of the Mayflower and the Pilgrims, so I won’t bother repeating what is common knowledge. For those who either live under a rock, or in another country, (or maybe both) here is a nice piece by The History Channel.

Thanks to Magickal Graphics.

But thanksgiving celebrations were common in the New World even before the Mayflower showed up at Plymouth Rock in 1620. Jamestown had thanksgiving celebrations as early as 1607.  Before that, the French and the Spaniards had thanksgiving celebrations in the 1500s.  So, the Pilgrims were not exclusive when it came to thanking the Christian god for harvest, victory over enemies, or any time someone wanted a party. The pilgrims had a thanksgiving celebration in 1621 and again in 1623. The second thanksgiving probably  sparked the observances.

Okay, Maybe Not So Brief…

People in different states, particularly in New England, had thanksgiving celebrations after that time. George Washington requested a thanksgiving celebration in 1777 in December after the colonial army’s victory against the British at Saratoga. There were national proclamations for thanksgiving in 1782, but it was more a day of prayer.  In 1789, Washington declared November 26th to be a day of thanksgiving. But this was a one-time shot which he declared again in 1795. Later presidents also declared days of thanksgiving.

It wasn’t until 1863 when Abraham Lincoln fixed the national holiday of Thanksgiving as the last Thursday of the November. Franklin D. Roosevelt tinkered with the holiday date as making it the fourth Thursday of the month because November occasionally had five Thursdays.

So Where Does Harvest Fit In?

Thanks to Magickal Graphics.

Originally, the pilgrims probably held thanksgiving in September or October to coincide with harvest and to give thanks to the Christian god for their food. The British harvest festival, celebrated around the equinox since pagan times, no doubt inspired the pilgrims’ day of thanks. So, is our celebration Harvest or Thanksgiving?

Well, the answer depends. If you take it purely from the American historical perspective, then yeah, we can say that the holiday is Christian. All the Christian trappings pretty much tie into Thanksgiving nicely. But if we look at the original harvest traditions that inspired Thanksgiving, we can accept it as a pagan holiday, even if the celebration is during a month when the fields are already fallow for the winter. There are certainly great harvest traditions that we can add to Thanksgiving to give it more meaning besides eating turkey and pumpkin pie. Giving thanks to our gods and goddesses for making the food possible is never a bad thing.

The Dreaded Unverified Personal Gnosis

The Dreaded Unverified Personal Gnosis

At some point, if we talk about our experiences in Heathenry, someone inevitably brings up Unverified Personal Gnosis.  I’d actually would prefer to ignore the whole UPG side of Northern paganism, but seeing as UPG dragged me into being a heathen, I suppose I should talk about it in some rational manner.  (Rational manner, Rational Heathen — get it?)  So, I’m tackling the tough questions and looking hard at the section of UPG.

Warning: UPG Ahead!

“Unverified personal gnosis” are code words for interacting with the divine. It can be something as simple as idea that we get that we think is “divinely inspired,” or it can be a full-on visit by a deity.  It’s “unverified” because nobody else experienced it, or we can’t hold it up to the light of science and measure it as “real.”  In fact, you could take the whole lot of UPG experience and claim we’re just a bunch of crackpots who are off our meds (or smoking way too much shit), and I wouldn’t necessarily argue with you.   It could be that, but some of the UPG I’ve experience was when I was stone-cold sober, and talking with gythias seem to confirm what I experienced.  So, I have one of two choices to consider: I’m crazy and this is all in my head, or this could have happened and I’m mostly sane.

The problem is how do you know?

Am I Crazy, or was that Thor?

Lots of people have what could be considered UPGs when it comes to their religion. The fact that there are some 5000 religions out there, each with people (alive or deceased) claiming they’ve spoken to gods, suggest that there are plenty of people who are either delusional or who actually have gods who speak to them. And a majority of people out there tend to believe these people, whether it is Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Shintoism, or any other -ism or -ity you care to name. The simple answer is often the most likely: we’re all fucking crazy and we’re all in some sort of state of self delusion.

But look at the numbers of Christians who believe that the wine and bread becomes Christ’s body and blood through transmogrification, or believe that Christ rose from the dead.  Look how many Muslims believe that the archangel Gabriel spoke to Mohammed. Look at the people in other religions who believe in ancestor worship, such as in Shintoism.  Then there are plenty of pagans who have spoken with their gods. What gives?

At this point, you’re thinking I’m probably recommending that you stick with atheism and be done with it.  That’s really not what I’m thinking, although atheism would probably do some folks a world of good, methinks.  At one time, I would’ve told you that it was all in your head, but having experienced UPGs, I have to reconsider them from a rational point.

What Changed My Mind

A few months after Tyr approached me, I nearly died in an accident.  I’ll spare you the gruesome details but suffice to say I woke up in the hospital not remembering much except a bunch of convoluted dreams.  These dreams were actually reality–they happened. But they were unlike any reality that I experienced. For one thing, it took awhile for me to remember them or what may have happened.  To this day, I can’t say with any certainty what did happen precisely.  On the flip side, I remember some dreams better than reality — and that left me totally unnerved.  It still does, and that brought into sharp focus what reality exactly is: reality is how we perceive it. Our senses and our mind can be tricked at any time, and even at the quantum level, things can get weird and be perceived one way when we observe it and another way when we do not.

What is Reality? — the 64 Million Dollar Question

I realized by this accident that we really don’t know what reality is in the true sense. We can think we imagined things that were true, and think things that are true that we have imagined. The line can get extremely blurry from time to time when people witness something, as any good cop or detective will tell you. Unless you have a camera or a trained observer, people are likely to come up with all sorts of eyewitness accounts.  My question is does it make it less true because someone saw it differently?  Can the camera “fix” the state like the quantum physics experiment?  Probably not, but who really knows?

Our senses tell us whether things are true or not, but our senses can be deceived in all sorts of ways. Our mind can think through things logically and still be wrong because we don’t have all the facts. So, I was left feeling incredibly insecure about what everything really was.

That’s when Loki showed up.

Enter Loki, Stage Right.

Apparently I wasn’t dealing with the entire concept very well, and I wasn’t really taking care of myself.  I was out of the hospital and working hard to bring in money again. (You think you’re poor? Get injured when you’re self employed.) Loki showed up at Tyr’s request and nagged me to take care of myself.  At first, it was amusing.  Then, it got annoying.  Loki took great delight in annoying me.  Then, he got bored when I started to pay attention.

Loki is truly the ADHD kid of the gods. A lot of people see him as evil, but I don’t see it quite that black and white. He’s capable of great mischief when he wants to do it, but I recognize the times when he can be a great ally. This doesn’t make me a Lokean, but it does make me somewhat more sympathetic to him than some people are.

But Back to UPG…

At one time, our religion had to have some sort of  UPG or it would’ve never existed. Humans did have to communicate with our gods somehow (or made up good stories about communicating with our gods) or we wouldn’t have Heathenry or Asatru today.  If we truly believe that our gods are living, then perhaps this is the way they communicate with us.

My thoughts on UPG are kind of mixed. I’ve seen some shit others have also seen that I can only attribute to a god or goddess (or weird blind luck).  My thoughts are if you get UPGs, and they help you along in this world, and harm no one, then who is to say they are bad? I mean it’s one thing if a god tells you to care for yourself, and it’s another thing if you think that god tells you to harm someone.  As long as they are not hurting you or someone else (or don’t tell you to do destructive things), I’m willing to consider that you’ve heard them.  And if your UPG matches mine and others, I’m going to think it’s a distinct possibility.

Wights, Goddesses, and Strange Things

Wights, Goddesses, and Strange Things

I’m pretty much what most people would consider close to a subsistence hunter. There are several reasons for this, including the fact that I live in a state where I can hunt nearly year round.  Lately, I’ve run into what can only be considered a goddess’s sense of humor.

My Relationship to the Goddess

Most of my life I’ve spent outdoors and in cold weather because, quite frankly, I melt when I have to deal with heat.  Any heat.  Cold and snow has always been my thing. When I went out in the forests in the past before I became a heathen, I could feel something there.  Something powerful and something that could be dangerous.  That pretty much describes Skadi.  You respect the goddess and she’ll let you live another day.  Don’t respect her and you’re dead.  Even those who have a healthy respect for her can screw up and end up frozen to death, buried in an avalanche, drowning under the ice, or eaten by a predator.

Yeah, you better respect her.

I’ve had a healthy respect for her for years, but she can sometimes surprise you with unexpected things. For example, our success in hunting is directly related to her graciousness — and the kindness of the wights. We always be sure to thank the animals we kill and apologize that we must do this to eat.  I sometimes leave little offerings for the wights in that area as a thank you.  I wish I was better at this, so I need to do that more often.

Thanks to Magickal Graphics

Skadi Always Liked You Better

Skadi can be a bit of a capricious goddess when it comes to hunting. For one thing, it’s tough to ask her to send animals your direction.  When she does, it’s amazing.  The animal will actually wait for you to kill it.  Now, you may think I’m bullshitting you on that, (I would), but I’ve seen it now at least four times, and maybe more.  Most of the time, she blesses my husband with such animals.  (I personally think she likes him better.)  But recently, she gave me a turkey which I shouldn’t have been able to shoot, and when I hit him, he could have run off, but instead waited for me to finish him.  (When I dressed him, I found that the shotgun load had broken a wing, but didn’t do any other damage.)  You see, turkeys are fast runners as well as fliers, so having one wait for me was pretty amazing.

Now, you may say the goddess had nothing to do with that.  You may be right.  Maybe animals just wait to get killed.  But I kind of doubt it.  So, I thank the wights and the goddess for the game and feel good about the hunt.

Explaining Hunting Rules to a Norse Goddess

Sometimes even I forget the basic rule: The Gods are Not Your Bitches. But to be honest, hunting isn’t exactly the easiest thing to do. Animals tend to make themselves scarce with people around, which means locating them can be problematic.  I’ve looked over the statistics for our state and hunters maybe fill around 8 percent of their tags.  That counts all animals with a tag taken, not just deer or elk.

Hunting also means you abide by a set of artificial rules.  You can’t hunt on private property without permission, you can’t hunt at night, and you have a certain season you can hunt.  The type of game is restricted, such as males or females, age, and how you can harvest your animal.  Basically it’s enough to drive anyone who isn’t familiar with it all insane, which is why it can be a bit problematic when you have the goddess’s attention and try to explain what kind of bear you want to hunt, why you can’t bait them or hunt at night, you can’t hunt a sow with cubs, and sure as shooting, you can’t shoot the bear she dropped in your lap in the middle of a public road. (Yes, this did happen to us.) The goddess delivers, just not always where you need it. I suspect it is her sense of humor for having to endure my litany of conditions. (At this moment, I have a vision of Skadi peering over the 2016 hunting guide and frowning perplexed.)

At the end of the season, I should give the goddess the hunting guide as a burnt offering in my woodstove.  No doubt she’ll find the reading pretty strange.

The Wights and Hunting

Whenever we go to hunt, I can usually get a feel for the area.  I understand that even though I’ve never seen wights, I do get a sense of the “mood” of the land.  In most cases here, I can feel the overall mood and decide whether the wights are positive or not. The places we’ve hunted so far have had some amazing feelings.  The land is awesome; the animals, if we see them, are usually great. I’ve had deer come up to me within 20 yards regularly while we were looking for elk. As much as I would’ve loved to have shot them, the deer season isn’t upon us, so I have to just admire them.  We’ve been lucky and found animals we’ve shot due to either the wights or Skadi, herself, when we pretty much thought the animal was lost.

There have been places where the land felt wrong, no doubt due to the wights there. Luckily where I now live most of the wights feel more welcoming than anything, which amazes me.  It may be just me and those who can feel them, or it may be that they are more open to humans.  I don’t know.  I do know that I offer the local wights eggs and milk to them frequently, and they seem to like that.

Why I Hunt

My husband and I have been hunting a long time. We love nature and we love animals, but importantly, we love the meat we get.  We’re not particularly interested in antlers, mainly because you can’t eat those, but we won’t turn down a trophy buck if he walked out in front of us. I think that Skadi approves of that, simply because it is respectful.  We try to use most of the animal and give back into nature that we can’t use.  Overall, it has served us well.

Hunting, Gathering, and Being Heathen

I think that many people have lost their connection with nature and the natural order of things. Some of being a heathen means that we should keep the connection to the land and nature the way that our ancestors did.  As a hunter, I’ve had to learn to read animal signs and tracks, know how to stalk an animal without my scent giving me away, and of course, locating the beast we’re looking for. I’ve been getting better at identifying edible plants as we hunt and learning to gather them for food.  It’s a delightful skill, and one that I feel the pleasure from those wights around me when I recognize the bounty they have offered us.

When I look at what we do versus those who sit and analyze the dusty tomes, hoping to glean a bit of truth, I know that my path is more fulfilling in a lot of ways, at least for me.  Yes, there are those who cannot do what I do on a daily basis, due to where they live, but there are many ways to get in touch with our world.

Some Suggestions for City Folks

Look, I spent my childhood and adolescence growing up in suburbia.  Even so, I spent an inordinate amount of time in the forests near my home back when parents didn’t worry so much about where their kids went.  (Somehow, we survived.)  Anyway, I’ve been to the big cities like New York, Washington DC, Los Angeles, and Chicago, so I get the problems you people have.  So, here are my suggestions to help you get a little closer to nature.

  • Take a class in wildcrafting or foraging.  Believe it or not, even in the big cities nature tries to reclaim what humans try to eliminate.
  • Plan a day trip at least once a month to someplace wild.  Go for a hike.  Find a place to meditate.  Look for wild edibles. (It’s important to have someone who knows what they look like identify them to you first before you take them.  Also it’s important to know what the state laws are for gathering wild edibles.)
  • Learn to hunt.  This is a bit of a steep learning curve, but it can be done.  Take the Hunter’s Safety course.  Don’t want to use a firearm?  Bowhunting is certainly a possibility.  You will have to learn how to handle your weapons safely and get good at shooting, whether with a rifle or a bow.  Find someone to mentor you.  You might just discover a new skill that puts you in touch with your ancestors.
  • Plant a container garden with herbs.  You can bring them inside when the weather gets cold and you have terrific herbs to use in your cooking.

These are some ideas off the top of my head.  Maybe you have other ideas on how you can become part of the natural order.  I certainly don’t have all the answers, but you can always talk to  me about it and give me your ideas as well.